Today at around 8:15 and a bump, I became Armenthia "Minnie" Simmons Smith, my Grandma. I use computer glasses to avoid the head tilting thing. Usually I place my spectacles/bifocals on the desk while I'm on checking Facebook to see what others are posting and how many LIKES I may have gotten on some inane remark. You all do that, so own it.
Now, I got up to start my Monday morning chores and took off the computer glasses, looked around to find my RX glasses--no such luck. I looked on the kitchen table, in the bathroom, on the night stand in my bedroom, back into the office--nothing. I felt my pockets, looked on the floor, for goodness sakes. Walked outside to check if perhaps in a blank moment while feeding "Katdashian" I may, by some fluke, have taken them off out there. I know, but you cannot rule it out. I have been dizzy lately.
Not there!
By now I'm in a panic. I'm leaving the range on Friday to look and I NEED my glasses. Panic does mess with my head y'all. Back inside, I think maybe it’s time to breathe into a brown lunch bag. Chest fluttering, heart beating in my ears, mouth drying, confusion rampant. Those Swiss cheese holes must be getting larger. I drink a tall frosted glass of sweet tea while I stand at the kitchen sink and look across into my flower garden. Fuzzy flowers are never as pretty as they can be with a pair of +300 distance lenses.
Lawd!
I put my computers back on to help me see myself in the bathroom mirror.
Y'ALL I'M LOOKING AT GRANDMA MINNIE.
Those old appliances are sitting on my head.
Thank you, sweet Jesus.
Grandma Minnie would misplace her name if we didn't already know it and help her with the herding process. She came to visit with our family ("Earnest's bunch") about every month or so. Grandma spent her time teaching me how to keep my dress tail down over my knee caps and learn all about flora and fauna. Did you know that the inside of sweet gum bark was slick and tasted good? Wads of rabbit tobacco had to be chewed for a long time before you could spit. Candy root smells like peppermint and black berries need to be blown on to get the bugs and dust off. Otherwise both will leave grit in your teeth.
Grandma taught me all that, but she couldn't keep up with her glasses. In fact, she caused "Earnest's bunch" many anxious hours searching for her glasses, her teeth, and her snuff box when it was time for Daddy to take her back to Atmore. The glasses stayed lost on the top of her head. The teeth weren't so important and the snuff box was usually in the littlest Smith baby's hand being used as a chew toy. When Grandma Minnie died and Daddy's sisters gathered to do the things necessary for laying her to rest, the biggest concern was if she should be buried with her glasses on or let them stay lost.
Hell froze over the day she died--Minnie was wearing her glasses.
***This is a story already written for my grandchildren to repost--just change Grandma Minnie to Nana Earline.***
THE END!
You can check out Earline’s blog and buy a copy of her first book “Life With the Top Down” at: http://www.earlinesdoins.com
