A cemetery is the safest place on earth for stalking.
Everybody there is harmless. But I need to share some good advice to others that may decide to join me and the CEO in, the art of cemetery stalking.
How it's done from my experience:
You have a SIRNAME and some noisy reason for wanting to go cemetery stalking. You load up and go in the general direction that someone years ago mentioned that someone from years ago may or may not have died and may or may not be buried in said cemetery.
"By damn, he's family and I wanna find out".
"Okay, I'll pack some water, some potted meat, some crackers, a blanket and the flashlight".
"We need the Red Cross kit maybe"?
So we drive 7000 miles toward Sampson Alabama.
"If you'll stop,I'll ask that man".
"He's busy bushhogging".
" Stop yonder, he's porch sitting".
"Would you perhaps know where *&&%% cemetery is located"?
" Nome, I ain't lived up in 'ese parts long".
Seven thousand miles past Samson Alabama.
"Oh look.................&&%^&* cemetery".
The stalking is full on at high noon.
The temperture is 150 degrees.
The humidity is Pea River flood stage.
The cemetery is filled with sandspurs and salamanders.
Sun faded plastic mums are scattered, headstones grow lichen across the names of the departed, wrought iron benches are so hot I jump back up with my butt showing grill marks.
"May need to look in the oldest part, when'd you think he died"?
" Don't know if he's dead, just probably".
Mumbling to myself here,
"&&^%$$&! Why in tarnation are we out here in this sundried roast looking for a man that may or may not be dead"?
"Cause he's family dammit".
"Wore your Beltones today, did you?"
"Well if he was not dead before we got here then he is now and I hope he was saved because he's in for a second burning"
I'm going back to the truck, gimmie 'em keys, I gotta cool off"
"Yont some potted meat"?
" I got sandspurs all over my britches legs".
"Yes and begger lice too".
" Why you reckon folks put benches in cemeteries?'
"To rest".
"Why you always drag that blanket along"?
"The day we pull an all nighter in a ditch, you'll understand".
" I sure enjoyed that didn't you"?
"Until I rearranged my kneecap on that headstone"
"Gotta watch your step when you go",
CEMETERY STALKING---
